Cousin Alan and I Exchanged Family Names

Thank you. You always were organized. This shows it. I appreciate the list and dates. I didn't do that. Love, M

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From: alan.r.pitts@boeing.com
To: mandlht@msn.com
Date: Fri, 26 Mar 2010 10:50:44 -0700
Subject: Mother's Great-Grandchildren.xls

Here you have it!

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Parent	Grand child	Birth Date	Great-Grandchild	Birth date
Alan & Konnie	Todd Alan Pitts	March 29, 1964	Matthew Todd Pitts	November 16, 1991
Alan & Konnie	Todd Alan Pitts	March 29, 1964	Christopher William Pitts	May 24, 1993
Alan & Konnie	Todd Alan Pitts	March 29, 1964	Erin Louise Pitts	May 26, 1995
Alan & Konnie	Todd Alan Pitts	March 29, 1964	Emily Virginia Pitts	May 26, 1995
Alan & Konnie	Kelly Ray Pitts	December 29, 1970	Annie Addison Pitts	September 23, 1994
Alan & Konnie	Kelly Ray Pitts	December 29, 1970	Ethan Gabriel Thomas Pitts	January 14, 1998
Alan & Konnie	HeatherJo Pitts Bateman	December 7, 1973	Noah Adam Bateman	September 23, 2005
Alan & Konnie	HeatherJo Pitts Bateman	December 7, 1973	Micah Garth Bateman	June 30, 2008
Alan & Konnie	Jeremie Kay Pitts	April 12, 1975	Marissa Lane Pitts	June 22, 1998
Alan & Konnie	Jeremie Kay Pitts	April 12, 1975	Cameron Kelly Pitts	August 7, 2001
Alan & Konnie	Michael Jay Pitts	July 22, 1979	Chadwick Jeremie Pitts	December 27, 2004

Tickets

Dearest Hon and Sister: thank you for the phone call Thursday evening, and for the invite this Monday to go with you folks to the Zoo and Heritage Park- sorry to not be there- also for the date changes on your family reunion in July- 

You will be receiving 2 tickets in about 10 days from the ticket office at the Conference Center for the evening program with the week of Family History convention. The program on Thursday evening is under the direction of President Henry B.Eyring. The tabernacle choir will perform- the guest speaker on Families through the generations is- David McCllough. 

The program starts at 7 p.m.- the doors open at 5:30 p.m. A ticket is required but it is open seating so the Brother who took the order said the earlier you come the better choice one has. This should be really a special evening. This is on Thursday 29th April. Will talk with you about it as the time gets closer. Pray David and family will really enjoy their new opportunities. 

Have a special Easter/Conference week-end coming up. Love you all much. Helen

Children

My children are, in order of birth: Shawn (wife Kimberly), Melanie (husband Howard Bolton), Todd (wife Amy G.), Eric (wife Amy J.), AnnMarie (husband Brandon Howard), Julie (husband Jim Jones), Kirsten (husband Jared Waite), and David (wife Arbree).

Grandchildren: (Shawn) Brigitta, Dane, Toren, Sorina; (Melanie) Siovhan, Braden, Benjamin, Mikaela; (Todd) Michael, Tyler, Emily, Hailey; (Eric) Jason, David A., Maddilyn, A.J.; (AnnMarie) Alyssa, Kyle, Megan, Matthew, Rachel; (Julie) Mary, Christene, Stephanie; (Kirsten) Whitney, Emaree, Ryan, Jacob; (David) Erin, Donovin, Caydin.

David works for the cable television division. He is a fiber-optic technician. He does trouble-shooting and major line repair (not at homes).

Now it is your turn. Please list your children and spouses. 

Thanks. I love you, M

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From: alan.r.pitts@boeing.com
To: mandlht@msn.com
Date: Fri, 26 Mar 2010 09:56:07 -0700
Subject: RE: David is Moving

Thanks for sharing this information.

Who is David, I cannot keep track of who is who and where they belong as I would like. What does he do for Time Warner?

 

Al Pitts 
Manufacturing Engineering 
Ph. (206) 544-3098 
alan.r.pitts@boeing.com 
M/S 4F-14 

David is Moving!

Mid-April, David and family are moving to El Paso, Texas. His new job starts on April 23. He will still be working for Time-Warner but the job conditions will be much improved as will the pay. In addition, there will be room to move up the ladder. Where he is, that is not going to be possible. Everyone there is there for keeps. It is further away for us--about one day's travel--compared with just a few hours. It is WARM, which David prefers over 30-degrees below winters.

David,

I was just down in San Antonio last month and it was nice, although that is a distance away from El Paso. Congratulations David. I bet you and your family will really enjoy it down there. 

You probably already know this, but you will be right by White Sands National Monument and Lincoln National Forest. Sand dunes and forest within miles, kind of reminds me of Nephi. The sand is gypsum sand, and is white, but it is nowhere near as cold as the white stuff you have been working in. It also looks like there is plenty of fishing and camping in the area. Hope you like bass and other warm water fish. You and your family are going to have lots of fun down there. Interesting also is that the state gemstone is Blue Topaz. Unfortunately, not any of that around Nephi, ours is all amber or bleached clear. Finally, you will be within miles of Juarez City, Mexico also. Guess you will have to get your passports.

To me it is interesting that you will be also be within 200 miles of Colonia Juarez and Colonia Dublan, Mexico, which are Mexican towns or colonies that were established by Mormon Emigrants in 1895. The Mexican Revolution started some 15 years later, and during those dangerous times (following the killing of some colonists) many of them fled to El Paso, Texas (1912), then returned several years later when tensions had calmed. That area of Chihuahua, Mexico is still largely populated by their descendants, and probably has the closest Temple to where you live. I saw a short show after a recent Conference on the area, and found that interesting. Sometimes things like that seem so long ago, and they didn't mention it during the show, but there are probably a couple of people near their hundred year birthday that were alive at that time.

Love you all,
Shawn
____________

John Kienke‏ From Marcus Smith

Marcus Smith wrote:
We are related, after all! But it's way back for many, many generations. In your pedigree there is a Searle family. We connect, it appears, at a John Searle who married a woman whose maiden name was Channon. But the ancestral file contains some spurious dates. Otherwise I'd feel more confident about mapping out the connection. In more recent times, my great-grandfather John Kienke was involved in an event during the Utah War of 1857 that involved, apparently, eight Mormon men: John Smiley Lott (your ancestor), John Murdock, Porter Rockwell, Sylvanus Collett, John Kienke (my ancestor), Samuel Pitchforth, Homer Brown, and (I think, if I remember, Absalom Woolf. This event came to be known as the "Aiken Massacre," or "Aiken Murders." I've been working on this story for a long, long time, as part of my family history. I knew Shawn and Todd best in the BYU ward. Eric was there for a while too. There was a night when a bunch of us from BYU dropped in on your home, on the way either coming or going to the Grand Canyon for a hike. Could have been Zions or Bryce. We did a lot of hiking back then.

Myrna Trauntvein wrote:
Oh, my! I would like to know what you have found out about the "Aiken Massacre." Would you mind sharing your information with me. You are a great genealogist. Of course I remember the group stopping at our home. I think you were hiking in Zions. There is a peak there named for one of my ancestors. Are the spurious dates on my file? If so, I need to add that to my list of things to correct. I should get things done in a more timely fashion. My husband and I are ordinance workers at the Manti Temple on Friday evenings and Saturday afternoons. You would think that would mean that I would hurry and get all of my names submitted and all of my dates corrected. I need to work harder. I I need to work harder. I have several in the hands of my grandson, Braden Bolton, Siovhan's brother. he was recently endowed and wanted to do the work for some family names. He is at BYU currently and is getting ready to leave for a mission in April. He works at the bookstore.

Marcus Smith wrote:
I'm working on a biography of John Kienke. That's a project now going on 15 years!!!! And with four children at home ages 7, 5, 3, and 1, you can imagine that it's almost impossible these days to devote any long stretches of time to research. That would be abandoning my poor wife! Anyway, what I think you should do to follow the story ... at least to get a toe-hold on th events, is to read Harold Schindler's chapter on it in his biography of Orrin Porter Rockwell. Since he wrote that chapter, there have been some new developments that correct or amplify some of his interpretations. But the basic gist of the story is there and is, I think, basically correct. I think it lacks some important war context, however. I think that on the myancestry chart there is a giant leap in some missing generations on the Pitts line, jumping from a birth around 1800 back to the 1600s. The problem on the Searle line is that the dates in familysearch show generations too close together, with John Searle who married the Channon having a soon born to him when he is only about 10 years old. So something is going on there that is a problem too. I don't have them at my fingertips, but those were the things that lept out at me at a glance. Wow .... working in the Manti Temple must be wonderful. Are some of the sessions there still live?

Where is Harold Smith?

Gordon: He lives in Brookside subdivision in Springville.  He just got out of the hospital, and a rest home.  He is starting to get his strength back.

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From: mandlht@msn.com 
To: gf_smities@msn.com



Myrna: Where is your brother, Harold?

Article About World War II with Charles Edwards (Eva Responded)

Sent: Sunday, March 21, 2010 11:20:39 AM GMT -07:00 US/Canada Mountain
Subject: Charles Edwards


Utah WWII veterans share shattering memoriesBy Scott D. Pierce
Deseret News
Published: Sunday, March 7, 2010 4:41 p.m. MST
Utah WWII Stories: Untold Stories" isn't a high-gloss, highly produced documentary.

What it boils down to is members of the "greatest generation" sitting in front of a camera, telling us their stories. And yet producer Elizabeth Searles and her team have once again handled this project practically perfectly.

This is important history presented in a way that's thoroughly compelling. These are stories prompted by the success of the four-part "Utah World War II Stories" that aired in 2005-06 — additional stories that were shared by Utahns who saw that fine documentary series.

And some of these previously "Untold Stories" are shattering. Like the one shared by Jack Tueller, who piloted a P-47 against German tanks.

"At a thousand feet looking through the gunsight, I saw a French mother and her three children. She was trying to cover their bodies with hers. They were being held up there as human shields. And every tank had these on. Innocent civilians," he says.

He didn't open fire but was ordered to return and carry out his mission — civilians or no civilians.

"So for 65 years ago this last June, I live with that image," Tueller says. "I think that's what breaks my heart more than anything."

Not all the stories are tragic. Mark L. Heyrend tells a funny story about his first encounter with Gen. George S. Patton. Stanley Boyd Nance recalls his service in the "ghost army" — inflating rubber tanks to deceive the Germans.

Not all the stories are what you might consider traditional war stories. Roberta Windchief recalls Native Americans who served in the armed forces. Nell (Mickey) Stevenson Bright recalls her service in the WASPS.

Werner Sommerfeld, a "young Mormon boy" who lived in Hamburg, recalls being pressed into service in the Hitler Youth and training with boys as young as 12 as live ammo flew over them.

"Some, they got up and got shot and some got killed. And some cried for their mother," he says.

Tosh Kano, who was in his mother's womb at the time, tells of how she survived despite being only 800 yards from the epicenter of the Hiroshima atomic bomb.

Charles Edwards tells of jumping out of foxhole after foxhole, narrowly avoiding death by grenades while others died.

After the fourth time, "I guess I felt like I'd had it, and I started to cry. I don't know how long that lasted, but it was probably good for me. But I was so unnerved at that point that I just couldn't help myself."

The "Untold Stories" are accompanied by period photos and stock footage of combat, but it's the voices that count. And they count more because even the best writer can't capture in print the tone, timbre and emotion of those voices.

And, nearly 65 years after World War II ended, we're quickly running out of time to hear those voices — so KUED has done a great service in preserving them for us.

It's hard not to wonder how many stories we haven't heard because we didn't know to ask. Like the one shared by former Deseret News managing editor J Malan Heslop.

I met Heslop a quarter of a century ago when I was a young reporter and never had any idea that he was a combat photographer in World War II. That he was there taking pictures when the Ebensee concentration camp in Austria was liberated. Or that those photos are in the Holocaust Museum.

"As I remember, I photographed it rather matter-of-factly. I'm here doing a job," Heslop says. "It wasn't until sometime later that I really felt the impact of those people."

And you don't feel the real impact of that declaration unless you hear him in "Untold Stories."

On the web: www.kued.org/productions/worldwar2e-mail: pierce@desnews.com© 2010 Deseret News Publishing Company | All rights reserved  

To: L H TRAUNTVEIN
From: Eva Dixon

I know Tosh Kano very well.  He came to the County when I was working there  and I was involved with him in some things.  Also, I am going to copy this to give to a family I Visit Teach with the name of Nance.  Edwards' response seemed very real to me.  Thanks.  Love you.  Eva                                          

Now We Are Being Funny!

Julie: For many years, Dad said he was going to bury you with your stacks of newspapers. Now that they are not around anymore, maybe we should bury everything else with you. Isn't that what the Egyptians did? Ha, Ha.


Shawn: The newspapers are gone? How is Mom going to keep warm? I guess I could loan her a sleeping bag. Now the pharaoh didn't even have a nice sleeping bag to travel with. What were they thinking back then? He was probably so cold that he was huddled up and shivering as he left the cold dark interior of the pyramid and walked off to the afterlife, and that is why he couldn't carry the food that they left him. What a waste.


Myrna: There isn't a grave big enough. It would take a pyramid.


Eric: I want the top soil from the grave of stuff for my garden and yard. E.

Melanie Comments

I've never really thought about this subject. I would hope that the love that we have for each other would help us to divide up the personal belongings. We love our parents...not their things. I would think if someone wanted the slides, photographs, your poem journals, paintings or whatever, they would allow us to take copies, make prints, etc. We would know that we could borrow things, talk about things and enjoy the stories that come from the items. 
 
Mel


Myrna: Some families handle it well and others do not. I think Dad's family handled it well but, as you know, my one sister did not. It probably pays to talk about things in advance and then everyone knows what is what. Grandma T had a plan and everyone followed it. I have so many things that I just don't know. I am certain you will all want something from Dad. You know, we all hope we will live for many years but, in my experience, just about the time you get to feeling that way (that someone will be here longer); bam! someone has moved into the next world.

Kirsten Comments

Why don't you and dad come up with a list of items?  Then we can all openly discuss.  

Like I said, I think the furniture (piano, curio, table, etc.) might be something to discuss, as will the guns, fishing poles, work benches, poetry journals (originals can definitely be made into copies) and family history documents.  But I also think most of the family history things should be passed down like in days of old to oldest boy/girl... with copies for the rest of us.  

I think it would be wise to list it out and just see.  I'm sure there are things I haven't mentioned that others would love to include (like Grandpa T's old mining shovel and stuff like that), or your artwork, or the dolls and old pottery... your old newspaper journals, yearbooks, all books...

What does everyone else think?  I'm sure Ams would have suggestions on how she normally advises families to take care of this...

You and dad should do a "walk through."  Walk through the house and see...  Start room by room.  I think it will take a great deal of time, but think how much easier Grandma T's estate was to divide because she had dotted almost every i and crossed almost every t, down to her figurines...

I agree, Melanie.  The things I cherish most are not really things...  they're memories!  When it comes to dividing... I just want copies... copies of dad's slides from his mission, copies of birth certificates... copies of pictures from those old family photo albums... copies of your recipes, poetry.  I think we can all reconcile with each other... I think dad and the boys should work out the guns thing though...  we don't need one; no one here knows how to use one. :)

What other "things" do people want that would cause issues?  I think most of us have a piano... now if you would have kept your old water bed, I might have had to fight for that one... (hehehe)  Grandma's curio, etc.  I wouldn't know how to divide those items or who is most sentimentally attached to them.   I hope we each saw how giving you and dad both were upon your parents' deaths and learned how to also be charitable.  It is the people we will miss the most and the items, however wonderful they are, cannot replace the person.

Kirsten

Myrna: OK, the plan is that I make a list. It is back to my ballpark? How about if, when many of you are here, you help make a list? I'll start and then you fill in. See, I wouldn't have thought about the fishing poles. 

Shawn Trauntvein Comments

I know that I appreciate even small things, even things that others might think could have been DI’d or so forth. Grandchildren too often like something that they know was their grandparents. I remember going though Grandma Smith’s button cans and admiring the buttons when I was a child. I also got a pen that had belonged to Grandpa Trauntvein so many years ago, but now that I am older I regret that I asked Grandma for it at that time, and that I wasn’t more considerate of her feelings and needs following the funeral. I feel now as though I had ransacked her house (somewhat akin to plundering an archeological site), since she obviously was more closely connected with him than was I. I became ashamed of that as I grew older, although I never thought of it when talking with her, or I would have asked for her forgiveness. That is one of the many things I will still want to ask her forgiveness of if I am able to see her when I pass from this life. But returning to the subject, though I haven’t figured out what I did with the pen when I went on my mission, I still remember it (maybe it is in with my jamboree souvenirs, I’ll have to look). I know that recently I got something that was considered by someone else as nearly worthless, and was bound for the DI or trash. And, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I know that Melanie sent me a check for my birthday once, which I forgot to cash for too long. But I carried it around in my wallet for years as a reminder of how thoughtful she was. I have kept some things that David gave me for a birthday when I was in college many years ago. I have other things that others of you have given us, so the list goes on. Of course, my children would have no idea why I hang on to a plastic cup with pictures of antique automobiles on the side. There is often a longing in each of us for those things, physical or otherwise, that tie us to those whom we love.

But the physical things are perishable, and will be exhausted as the number of descendents multiply over the years. Although I want to know that things that remain will be well taken care of where at all possible (remembering it may be slightly out of our control as I learned from an elderly brother from our ward whose home was damaged by the Teton flood so many years ago), it is the pictures and stories that we can pass down to an unlimited amount of our descendents. So copies of these are always so vital. I think of Mom and her longing for anything, any picture of, or and tidbit that belonged to her mother who died when she was but an infant. Maybe that is one reason she didn’t ever want us to lose buttons from the button can, because she knew some might have belonged to her mother. Perhaps she even knew which ones. Fortunately we have been taught of the spirit of Elijah, and are wise enough to be aware that the longing that the Lord has put in us, of turning our hearts to the fathers, can (as many blessings) be used by Satan and combined with greed or pride, to turn to the hurt of others, similar to the story cited. As long as we communicate and share, we will come through all the better. The thing that is more important is that we come through making sure we care for the feelings of each other, and forgive if we somehow feel offended. But in the end, on this or any other subject, if I am a cause of offense, rather than feel that you are first required to forgive me, please talk to me first, hopefully you won’t feel you still need to forgive me when we are done. If I have learned anything of love and regret, it is that we become more astutely aware of both as we age, and all of the middle ground seems to fade.

It's Time to Talk!

Who gets Grandma's pie plate? Division of possessions may add more grief after a death

Published: Sunday, March 21, 2010 4:37 p.m. MDT

When the woman died, one of her prized possessions was the family Bible, which had been brought from Ireland. Each of her three children wanted it, but only one could have it.

The bitter fight that ensued ended up with the two daughters not speaking to each other for 25 years. The son did not even know who got the Bible, because he never dared bring up the subject.

Cousins grew up without knowing each other. Family memories were not built and shared. Instead of support and love, there was estrangement and bitterness.Who would have thought that something like a Bible could cause such heartache? It happens all the time, says Marilyn Albertson, Salt Lake County director of the Utah State University Extension Service.

"The two daughters eventually reconciled, but just think of all they missed," she says of this example from her own extended family.

"Almost everyone has personal belongings such as a Bible, wedding photographs, a baseball glove or a special yellow pie plate that contain meaning for them and other members of the family," she says. "What happens to them when you die? Who decides who gets what?"

These are not easy questions to answer, she says, but it's a topic everyone should think about.Albertson has a free program on the subject that she presents to community groups, church groups, senior citizens' gatherings, care facilities and other such places. (To schedule it, you can contact her at 801-468-3170 or e-mail at marilyn.albertson@usu.edu.) Her office also has a videotape and workbook that can be checked out for personal use.

Much of her presentation is based on materials put together by the Minnesota Extension Service, which also has a Web site that offers free materials and worksheets to help people start a dialogue or think about non-titled property distribution. Visit www.yellowpieplate.umn.edu.

At her classes, Albertson hears a lot of people say they don't think they need to worry about these issues for a long time, or that they don't want to think about dying yet.

"But anyone can face them. A woman in our office had her father die in his 50s. So you never know. Almost everyone has parents or grandparents or children to think about. And what happens in case of a second marriage?"

She knows of a case where a mother died and the father remarried. The stepmother moved into the house, and the whole family got along really well. Then the father died, and the stepmother continued to live in the house. "But when she died, all of the things went to her children, including some that had belonged to the original mother."

It is often not the big property items that cause problems, she says, but what is considered non-titled property — the items such as furniture, family photographs, fishing gear, tools, special dishes that don't have a legal document indicating ownership — that cause the most grief.

"These are the items that connect generations," says Albertson. "They are they things we value as a personal heritage. They give us a sense of who we are and how we belong in the family."

But all too often, she says, those involved in the transfer decisions — usually parents and adult children — fail to find out each other's ideas and desires about who wants what, what would be fair and how it should be handled. Inaccurate assumptions are made; misunderstandings and hurt feelings can result. It's not always an easy subject to bring up. "Parents are hesitant to discuss the issue because they don't like to think about being gone," she says. "Some think they don't want the hassle and will let their children do what they want when the parents are gone. Children hesitate to bring it up because they don't want their parents to think that they are just waiting for their parents to die," Albertson says.
But a lot of pain, heartache and discord might be avoided by advance planning.

There is not one right way to distribute non-titled property. Many people say they want to be "fair," but ideas about fairness vary. Is is fair to let the oldest decide first? Is it fair to consider only siblings and not in-laws? Is fair the same as equitable? How much does sentiment count? What role does dollar value play? What about financial, emotional and physical needs of family members? What about contributions, financial and otherwise, over the years? What about differences such as age, birth order and marital status?

Different families will see all these issues differently, Albertson says. There are no hard and fast rules.There are also various methods of distributing property, such as making a will, gifting, labeling items, making a list, even holding a silent auction or garage sale (which often works when parents are downsizing and moving to a smaller home or apartment).

One important thing to know about putting everything in a will is that it can not only be lengthy, Albertson says, but it also becomes a public document. "It's probably better to make a list and attach it to the will. But in most states, to be legally valid, the list must be mentioned in the will."

Which brings up another point: Albertson's workshops are not meant to replace legal advice, which you definitely should get in creating wills and trusts and for distributing titled property.
And even if you have a will or list in place, she says, it's a good idea to review it periodically to make sure it is up to date.The thing to remember is that "possessions are never more important than people, but having plans in place can help maintain good family relations. Plus, if you have to deal with all these issues at the time of the passing, it will probably be done at a time of great emotional stress, when you are not thinking as clearly. The less trauma involved in these issues, the better for everyone."

e-mail: carma@desnews.com© 2010 Deseret News Publishing Company | All rights reserved                                               

RE: Its time to talk. . .‏how do we divvy up the worldly goods.

Date: Mon, 22 Mar 2010

From Myrna: Is it that time?

When you get to be a certain age, you realize that you have 30-year's worth of planning to do and you know that you will not likely live that much longer.

"One man's junk is another man's treasure." That was the Pitts motto at the business. However, I cannot be buried with all my "stuff" because you cannot build me a pyramid. We will just have to come up with a plan to disburse the junk.

I need to take photos of items and write up why they are significant to me (and to LHT). I would rather just tell you about things but, judging from the time I take to do that, it will be wiser to just write it up.

So it is back in my ballpark. DRATS!


Myrna:
Is someone you know gravely ill?
Are you and Leonard ok?
This last article makes me ask these questions?

Love you
al pitts

It is time to talk!

Leonard's oldest sister, Eva, who is 80, just had a stroke. She came through it OK, a little slurring of the speech, but she will likely not live to be 100. Her doctor has told her to prepare for the next one which will probably be fatal. Leonard's brother's wife has Alzheimer's. Garth, my cousin on my mother's side, is fighting bone cancer. Toni, a second cousin, also on my mother's side of the family, is dying with breast cancer. I suppose I am just realizing that I was not born to live, in this state, for eternity. I will need to die and resurrect first. Then our cousin, Diane's (Bob's daughter) husband has cancer and has been fighting it for some time. I just feel mortal. When you feel mortal, it is the best time to talk, right?


10 considerations for decision-making

Published: Sunday, March 21, 2010 4:37 p.m. MDT1. 

Recognize that decisions about personal belongings are often more challenging than decisions about titled property. Assuming such decisions are unimportant or trivial can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
2. Recognize that inheritance decisions can have powerful consequences — emotional as well as economic. Decisions about personal property involve dealing with emotional and potential financial value connected to objects accumulated over a lifetime and across generations of family members.
3. When decisions are made prior to death, the decisions can reflect the owner's wishes, and special memories and stories may be shared. Planning ahead offers more choices and a chance for thoughtful communication.
4. Issues of power and control do not disappear in inheritance decisions. Unresolved conflicts among parents, adult children, siblings and others are often at the heart of what goes wrong with inheritance decisions. Listen for feelings and emotions, watch for blaming and determine if you can agree to disagree if conflicts arise.
5. Remember that different perceptions of what's "fair" are normal and should be expected. Those involved need to uncover the unwritten rules and assumptions about fairness that exist among family members.
6. Being fair does not always mean being equal. In fact, dividing personal property equally is sometimes impossible.
7. Individuals who have input and agree on how decisions are made are more likely to feel the outcomes of those decisions are fair.
8. Discussing what those involved want to accomplish helps reduce mistaken assumptions and misunderstood intentions, and makes choosing distribution options easier.
9. Identifying items that have special meaning can help avoid inaccurate assumptions about who should get what. Not everyone will find the same items meaningful.
10. Putting wishes in writing, typically in a separate listing mentioned in a will, reduces the dilemmas and decisions for estate executors and surviving family members.Source: Marlene S. Strum, University of Minnesota Extension Service

Methods of family distribution
When property must be distributed after a death, distribution may take place item by item, or items may be placed in groups of approximately equal monetary value and selected as a group. Here are methods that have been used by families to determine the order of selection:
 Shake dice: Family members shake dice, with the high roller receiving first choice, and so on. After the first round, the selection order is reversed. After two rounds, family members shake again to determine a new order.
Draw numbers, straws or playing cards: Decide if highest or lowest, longest or shortest goes first.
Birth order preference: Selection goes from the oldest to youngest, or vice versa.
Gender preference: Selection begins with males before females, or vice versa. Birth order may also be integrated into this method.

Generation preference: priority is given to parents, siblings, children, grandchildren or blood kin.
Potential list of cherished objects:Furniture, Plates/dishes/glassware/utensils, Handmade items (quilts, stitchery, woodwork), Antiques, Jewelry, Art pieces (pictures, vases, sculpture), Photographs, Written material (poems, diaries, letters), Electronic equipment (TV, CDs, DVDs), Musical instruments, Plants, Collections (coins, plates, guns, stamps), Tools, Documents or records (marriage certificates, awards, military discharge papers), Clothes (wedding dress, army uniform, baby dresses), Holiday decorations, Books (Bibles, history books, religious books, favorite novels), Linens (tablecloths, doilies, pillowcases), Knicknacks© 2010 Deseret News Publishing Company | All rights reserved

Cousins Explained

gg-child

g-uncle/g-aunt

first cousin once removed

second cousin

second cousin once removed

second cousin twice removed


ggg-child

gg-uncle/gg-aunt

first cousin twice removed

second cousin once removed

third cousin

third cousin once removed


gggg-child

ggg-uncle/ggg-aunt

first cousin thrice removed

second cousin twice removed

third cousin once removed

fourth cousin

The parents represent the common ancestors you have with your relative. Count down the row until you reach your generation. Now count down this column until you reach your relative's generation. This gives you your relationship to your relative. If you have only one common ancestor with your relative (perhaps this ancestor had multiple marriages), then the same chart applies but the relationships are half blood instead of full blood. 

In general, the person in the first row is the ***** of the person in the first column where ***** stands for the appropriate table entry, eg. sister, uncle, second cousin, etc. 

Example

Suppose I want to find out my relationship to the son of my grandmother's brother. Then the common ancestors that we share are my great-grandparents which are his grandparents. (I am assuming a full blood relationship). Therefore, reading from the chart we find that 

parents

child

g-child

ME

child

brother/sister

nephew/niece

g-nephew/g-niece

RELATIVE

uncle/aunt

first cousin

FIRST COUSIN ONCE REMOVED

I am the first cousin once removed of this relative!