The Crisis of the American Family

What a sad world we live in. I think it was easier to worry about wolves eating your children than to worry about all of the problems that beset our children and grandchildren in the modern world. Well, maybe not, but it is hard for many of our loved ones. One of the largest problems facing all of us today is the weakening of the American family. While it is true that the news coverage of the epic health care debate in the Supreme Court represents one of the most important news stories in recent years, one story with implications for the future of the American republic, a potentially bigger news story, went largely ignored. Mormon Media Observer: Coverage of crisis of the American family under-covered story By Lane Williams, For the Deseret News Published: Monday, April 2, 2012 The traditional American family continues to break. That's a key takeaway from a quadrennial study by the National Center for Health Statistics recently released. It was a large-scale study of more than 20,000 people. News coverage of the report was spotty and uneven at best. Among the study's findings: • A full 38 percent of women under age 44 have never been married. • Less than one in three men in that age group are in a first marriage. • Only about 50 percent of first marriages are surviving 20 years. • The rate of cohabitation — living together before marriage — is growing rapidly. In 2002, about 9 percent of men were cohabiting. Today, that figure has grown to more than 12 percent — a 33 percent increase. (Evidently, about 60 percent now say they cohabit before marrying.) • It is one third as likely that men are cohabiting as it is that they are in their first marriage. • More than 50 percent of black or African American women under age 44 have never married. • Education makes a big difference. While one in five women without a high school diploma live unmarried with a man, only about one in 20 with advanced degrees do. For men, those without a high school diploma are cohabitating at a rate of about one in four. • U.S.-born Hispanic or Latino men are about half as likely as their foreign-born counterparts to be married. • Religiousity and education also correlate with longer-lasting marriages. • Cohabitation before marriage still correlates with a marriage more likely to end in divorce, especially among those not engaged. But those statistical differences seem to be narrowing as more people live in cohabitation. It all paints a picture of the nation's most important institution facing continued assault and great peril. It suggests that the value of chastity continues to fade. And without marriage, poverty and other problems rise among children. The foundation of the nation is cracking. To be sure, this report received some important coverage in the news media. And, rigorous, useful analysis by intelligent people is also available. But many important news organizations missed the news entirely. Who missed it? If my Lexis-Nexis and Google searchs were accurate, only two major national newspapers wrote about it and only two smaller wire services covered it. To be sure, these news organizations haven't ignored the story of the changing American family — as in a fascinating New York Times report on the troubling rise of out-of-wedlock births among women under 30. More than 50 percent of births to women under 30 now are outside of marriage. Furthermore, we must be grateful to careful government researchers who spend their time writing these remarkable, extensive reports. But there needs to be a greater focus on family issues by the national press. Here's why: One of the most important insights that has emerged in recent decades from the study of the news media is that as the frequency of stories about certain issues rise, so does the public's perception of the importance of those issues. Put another way, when you ask people what the most important issues are facing the county, they choose issues that correlate with how frequently issues are in the press. So, as news focuses on, say, the economy, so do voters. And as voters focus on issues, so, naturally, do politicians. Things, therefore, get done. Hence, the lack of coverage of these family issues by the mainstream press makes it less likely that people will talk about them and, therefore, less likely that any pressure will come to make policy change. Are their useful governmental solutions to help address this crisis? Probably. Yet, these proposals have a hard time gaining traction amid low national attention. What is the most important issue facing this county today? Obamacare? The economy? Possibly. Here's one vote that the declining norm of marriage may be the biggest threat to our long-term survival as a nation. I, for one, think this issue needs more serious, focused, consistent and thoughtful attention by the nation's mainstream press. The coverage of this milestone study needed far more attention than it received. The crisis of the American family is real and may be the most important issue in America today even if the press neglects it.

Will any of you be here on Thanksgiving?

Myrna wrote: OK, I know who will not be here--Julie and family are going to Idaho; AnnMarie and family are going to St. George; Todd and family are in Ohio; Melanie, Howard and Mikaela are in Texas (if that is still a state and not a new country); Siovhan is still at her far-away job; David is on-call; and the rest of you we do not know about. 

Auntie Helen called and she, and her wonderful popcorn cake, will be here. 

In spite of my type 2 diabetes, we will have all the traditional dishes, including pie. I will have my own dishes--turkey, salad, vegetables and a baked sweet potato--but the rest of you can expect the same traditional meal we have always served, including stuffing and pie.

We love you and would appreciate knowing your plans.

Kirsten: Jared's parents are flying in tomorrow, so we will be here. Happy Thanksgiving to you all! Miss you all and love you all very much! Love, Kirsten

Melanie wrote: I do admit it feels weird not to be traveling to Ohio for Thanksgiving. I will miss being there, almost as much as I will miss not seeing Todd. :)

Todd wrote: Ah. She misses me. :)

Myrna wrote: We all do! This getting old is for the turkeys. I remember that my dad told me that.

Todd wrote: Yeah. Last year was my first year of odd. Told Amy we ought to just go out there for kicks and giggles. I know where there are a few places to eat dinner on Thanksgiving. I only hope hailey will remember those trips. Remember the year it snowed the whole time we were there? The kids rode the hill all morning long. 

Braden wrote: As you all may have seen in the news, Israel is suffering a great time. I write this so that you may all remember one of my dear friends who is serving in the Israeli Army. Her name is Ariel Bruce. Please keep her in your prayers over the next few days. Thanks to all!


Okay, just an update. My friend, Ariel, had actually been flown in to the U.S. and is currently in Boston for a surprise visit to her parents. She is safe and sound.

And sorry for all the emails, and the grammar that sometimes does not make sense. You can take Braden out a Spanish world, but you can't take Spanish out of Braden...


Myrna wrote: OK. It might be Auntie Helen and us and MAYBE David's kids, depending on whether Bree is still in the hospital or not.

Shawn wrote: We will be in Kaysville this year.  :(

Kirsten wrote: If no one is coming down you are always welcome to come here! I'll have lots of extra turkey including me! Love you lots

Myrna wrote: I'd need to bring Auntie. Maybe she would come. I haven't heard from Braden. 

I love my turkey girl. Happy Birthday! I hope you could read the card. Sometimes my pens smear. :)

Kirsten wrote: She'd be welcome, too!  I will let you know about the card.  Mail hasn't come yet today. :)

Braden wrote:  You are going to be in Kaysville?I think I should be okay to come down Wednesday night and help prepare for the whole next day. Just let me know what's going on with all the plans, okay?

Myrna wrote: I will not be in Kaysville at all, the Shawn Trauntvein family will be. It is going to be a small gathering at our house. You are invited and so is your roommate. We will be here and so will Auntie Helen and MAYBE David's kids.

Amy J. wrote: I am working but Eric and the kids will be there.

Myrna wrote: Thanks for all of the responses. I now know who will be here to celebrate with us and who will be celebrating elsewhere. Let's all have a great day. Thanksgiving is still one of my favorite holidays: food, family, fun. Of course, there is also gratitude, thankfulness and lots of good and happy memories.

One year for either Christmas or Thanksgiving, when Joey and Walter Olpin lived next door, they were our only guests besides our own small family. We crowded into our small kitchen, that was years and years before the addition was added, and ate, laughed and enjoyed a great meal. 

Most years, we traveled elsewhere. I don't know why it was that we stayed home that year. It was most unusual but it was fun. Perhaps all of our usual haunts had other plans. Strange that I do not remember why we were at home. It must have been Christmas. We usually stayed home Christmas Day after all of the children started to have lots of gifts to pack around. We would sometimes have family come to our home for dinner and sometimes not. 

We always had Auntie Helen's Christmas party in early December and met together as a big family then. We also, at some point, visited in Kenilworth, Price and Huntington. There we exchanged gifts prior to Christmas and were fed great meals. These are all good memories to warm my old age.

Oh, wait, I am old. Well, they warm my memories now and, perhaps, someday I will actually remember whether it was Christmas or Thanksgiving that we hosted the Olpin neighbors.

OK, Braden is coming on Wednesday, right? Am's youngest will spend her workday here and will travel on to St. George that evening. Bree is home from the hospital and none of them will be here. Amy J. is working but the rest of Eric's family will be here. Auntie Helen will be here. Is that all right? Three cheers for Thanksgiving. It is still a favorite holiday of mine--good food, great family, and lots of blessings to recall.

Two quotes Myrna needed to hear.

"We can lift ourselves and others as well when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues. Someone has said that 'gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.'" Thomas S. Monson

Melody Beattie
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."