It is time to talk!

Leonard's oldest sister, Eva, who is 80, just had a stroke. She came through it OK, a little slurring of the speech, but she will likely not live to be 100. Her doctor has told her to prepare for the next one which will probably be fatal. Leonard's brother's wife has Alzheimer's. Garth, my cousin on my mother's side, is fighting bone cancer. Toni, a second cousin, also on my mother's side of the family, is dying with breast cancer. I suppose I am just realizing that I was not born to live, in this state, for eternity. I will need to die and resurrect first. Then our cousin, Diane's (Bob's daughter) husband has cancer and has been fighting it for some time. I just feel mortal. When you feel mortal, it is the best time to talk, right?


10 considerations for decision-making

Published: Sunday, March 21, 2010 4:37 p.m. MDT1. 

Recognize that decisions about personal belongings are often more challenging than decisions about titled property. Assuming such decisions are unimportant or trivial can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
2. Recognize that inheritance decisions can have powerful consequences — emotional as well as economic. Decisions about personal property involve dealing with emotional and potential financial value connected to objects accumulated over a lifetime and across generations of family members.
3. When decisions are made prior to death, the decisions can reflect the owner's wishes, and special memories and stories may be shared. Planning ahead offers more choices and a chance for thoughtful communication.
4. Issues of power and control do not disappear in inheritance decisions. Unresolved conflicts among parents, adult children, siblings and others are often at the heart of what goes wrong with inheritance decisions. Listen for feelings and emotions, watch for blaming and determine if you can agree to disagree if conflicts arise.
5. Remember that different perceptions of what's "fair" are normal and should be expected. Those involved need to uncover the unwritten rules and assumptions about fairness that exist among family members.
6. Being fair does not always mean being equal. In fact, dividing personal property equally is sometimes impossible.
7. Individuals who have input and agree on how decisions are made are more likely to feel the outcomes of those decisions are fair.
8. Discussing what those involved want to accomplish helps reduce mistaken assumptions and misunderstood intentions, and makes choosing distribution options easier.
9. Identifying items that have special meaning can help avoid inaccurate assumptions about who should get what. Not everyone will find the same items meaningful.
10. Putting wishes in writing, typically in a separate listing mentioned in a will, reduces the dilemmas and decisions for estate executors and surviving family members.Source: Marlene S. Strum, University of Minnesota Extension Service

Methods of family distribution
When property must be distributed after a death, distribution may take place item by item, or items may be placed in groups of approximately equal monetary value and selected as a group. Here are methods that have been used by families to determine the order of selection:
 Shake dice: Family members shake dice, with the high roller receiving first choice, and so on. After the first round, the selection order is reversed. After two rounds, family members shake again to determine a new order.
Draw numbers, straws or playing cards: Decide if highest or lowest, longest or shortest goes first.
Birth order preference: Selection goes from the oldest to youngest, or vice versa.
Gender preference: Selection begins with males before females, or vice versa. Birth order may also be integrated into this method.

Generation preference: priority is given to parents, siblings, children, grandchildren or blood kin.
Potential list of cherished objects:Furniture, Plates/dishes/glassware/utensils, Handmade items (quilts, stitchery, woodwork), Antiques, Jewelry, Art pieces (pictures, vases, sculpture), Photographs, Written material (poems, diaries, letters), Electronic equipment (TV, CDs, DVDs), Musical instruments, Plants, Collections (coins, plates, guns, stamps), Tools, Documents or records (marriage certificates, awards, military discharge papers), Clothes (wedding dress, army uniform, baby dresses), Holiday decorations, Books (Bibles, history books, religious books, favorite novels), Linens (tablecloths, doilies, pillowcases), Knicknacks© 2010 Deseret News Publishing Company | All rights reserved

Cousins Explained

gg-child

g-uncle/g-aunt

first cousin once removed

second cousin

second cousin once removed

second cousin twice removed


ggg-child

gg-uncle/gg-aunt

first cousin twice removed

second cousin once removed

third cousin

third cousin once removed


gggg-child

ggg-uncle/ggg-aunt

first cousin thrice removed

second cousin twice removed

third cousin once removed

fourth cousin

The parents represent the common ancestors you have with your relative. Count down the row until you reach your generation. Now count down this column until you reach your relative's generation. This gives you your relationship to your relative. If you have only one common ancestor with your relative (perhaps this ancestor had multiple marriages), then the same chart applies but the relationships are half blood instead of full blood. 

In general, the person in the first row is the ***** of the person in the first column where ***** stands for the appropriate table entry, eg. sister, uncle, second cousin, etc. 

Example

Suppose I want to find out my relationship to the son of my grandmother's brother. Then the common ancestors that we share are my great-grandparents which are his grandparents. (I am assuming a full blood relationship). Therefore, reading from the chart we find that 

parents

child

g-child

ME

child

brother/sister

nephew/niece

g-nephew/g-niece

RELATIVE

uncle/aunt

first cousin

FIRST COUSIN ONCE REMOVED

I am the first cousin once removed of this relative! 

It's Time to Talk. . .

From: Toni Jackson

Date: Sun, 21 Mar 2010 19:55:38 -0400
 Re: Pics

Myrna: Oh, I would love a copy of that CD. I will pay for any cost involved. It sounds like you are doing great work in preserving memories and history. I have been working on a similar project. I will make you a copy. If some of the photos are the same, that is fine. I have found out that some photos, even though they started out as identical copies, end up with little flaws here and there because of age. What a great thing that your mom wrote notes about the photos.

My dad had an album of old photos but I am not certain who all the folks are and now that he has gone, I will never know.

Your mom was always a special woman. She and your dad even came to Grandma Smith's funeral. She is buried in Springville and we went to Aunt Pearle's (Smith), Vivian's sister-in-law, so my great-aunt, for dinner and she and your dad gathered with us there. She, of
course, knew all the Smiths from the years of past associations.
Toni: I just tried to email 2 more pics thru my Easyshare and I think by thespeed it went thru' that they were not actually sent once again. I wasjust going to show you what I'm doing with the pics and when I'm finished I will put them all on a CD. My original plan was to mail you a CD and I think that's probably what I'll have to do if the Kodak thing isn't going to work. Usually it fixes itself somehow when I reboot tthe computer but this  time that has not worked apparently. 

I Could put the pics on FB but there would be over 100 of them in this one album I believe. Mom had put all these pics in a 'new' album... one of the cheap ones with sticky pages and a plastic overlay (which will ruin the prints) and they are all falling out. So I took photos of each page so that I would have Mom's notes that are written on the album. Then I  am cropping out each photo & adding text with whatever info I have. I am also keeping copies of each print with no text on them as well so they can be enlarged & printed. So there may be 175-200 pics by the time I'm done with just this one album. Kind of a lot for FB, plus I suspect you may have a lot of these pics yourself already. I'll get them to you one way or the other, may add a couple to FB today &  just keep working on the rest.

More later, have a good weekend! Love, Toni 

OK, good. Maybe between the two of us we can fill in some blanks. I'm also trying to learn how to sell on eBay ( I KNOW how to buy, LOL), plus get ready for a yard sale, go through many boxes of photos, finish household projects, etc. so not sure when I will finish the CD but will let you know.

Myrna: I hope you live for many, many years to come. Take a few minutes to breathe somewhere in that schedule of yours. Selling on eBay, hmm. What are you selling? Maybe I want to be your customer. Just a quick funny story--I ordered a second-hand book on eBay not realizing that I was buying from a Pitts cousin in Carbon County. I didn't know the seller name she used. She, however, knew who I was from the start so, along with the book, I got a letter from her. LOL

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