Barbara wrote: Not much is going on. Bree and David don’t share much unless there is a crises. Bree called on Mon or Tue, and Erin was in a real panic, didn’t want to go to school, didn’t want to stay there, wanted Grandma and Dad. Bree was ready to leave, hates it, doesn’t understand all the rules. Donovin is doing just fine.
Erin was OK the next morning. But it broke my heart – again!
Sounds just like where Bree needs to be. They took away her caffeine, which has got to be really killing her. She has to get up at 6:30 am and take care of the kids and get ready for the day, that has to be killing her. And they make her work out for 45 minutes. Which really, really has to be killing her. Then, she gets to go to several hours of counseling, private and group.
For the first time in her life she is totally subject to a schedule. Once she gets used to it, she is going to love it.
I am really worried though, Myrna. This program is a 5-6 month program. They are going to try to cram it all into 3 months. I feel like we have just set ourselves up again. I do not want her out at the end of 90 days if she isn’t ready. And that is what they are talking about doing.
If you are not in the legal system, if you are not rich, you don’t get treatment. That is the way this country is.
Can you talk to AnnMarie about this, and find out exactly what the plans are? I have left several messages but they don’t call me back. David has a “don’t need to know, don’t ask” attitude. I have brought it up several times and he just ignores it.
I wish I wasn’t in the middle of this, but she is my only child, they drug me into it kicking and screaming 5 years ago, and now here I am, and everyone wants to just pretend like I’m not here.
Ok well.
Thanks for your help. Barbara
Myrna wrote: If she needs more time, somehow we will all work it out. Let's see how well she does. Maybe we will have a well Bree. If we don't, then we will deal with getting her what time she needs. She didn't last three months the last time. Three months is the goal, for now. Then we will see what the counselors think. This is one of those patient times when we just need to take it a day at a time.
Sometimes I think Erin is just worried about all the people she loves. She doesn't know how to be everything to everyone at the same time. She feels guilty being with her mom because she worries about you and David missing her. I have noticed that when she is here sometimes. I tell her it is OK, that you all know she loves you and that I am glad I get to spend some time with her. She is then OK. She is just certain that you are all missing her too much and are too sad. If she came home, she would then feel that way about her mom. We just need to give her permission to be a child and to not have to have adult concerns. Been there, done that. I always worried about my grandmother when I wasn't there because I knew she was alone. She finally told me that, when I was gone visiting family, she was OK. She just got some work done that she couldn't get to with me there. It was OK to have fun and to know she would be there when I got back and she would still love me and I would still love her.
Love, M
Barbara wrote: I’m just voicing my concerns Myrna. Nothing really does have to be done right now.
It is not a matter of setting a goal. The counselors told us they were going to try to cram the full program (five months worth) into 3 months. They told David that again on the phone. That is what I am worried about. That she will feel like she has to get all of it as quickly as possible and won’t be able to just relax and take the information as it comes.
In other words, they are putting a tremendous amount of pressure and stress on her and that is when she bolts. Or just shuts down. She is dealing with enough with the kids there and just trying to control the depression and the addiction. I would love it if all she had to worry about right now was the kids, and keeping herself there that day. She wants to leave really bad right now. She won’t, but she wants to. She knows the program is a five month program, but for some reason she only gets the 90 days. Somehow Bree always ends up “special” somehow. It is not a “good” special. I don’t think she should be in that sort of situation, not now.
I know Erin is feeling like she has to be brave. I also know she is very scared. I can hear it in her voice. I hope they get her to talk about it. I don’t think she is worried about us. She is worried about being alone with Mom. I hate to say that, but it is true. I also know that that will pass with time.
Anyway, I can’t do anything but wait.
Barb
Myrna wrote: AnnMarie is looking into it. She is going to need a week to get it all done, however. She is prosecuting a rape of a child case and the guy who did the deed is trying to bargain for a light sentence. She is hoping to go to a jury. She has also been really, really sick. She was too sick to go to the pre-trail meeting and her boss had to fill in for her. She developed a major sinus infection and cannot take an antibiotic because she has a horrible vaginal yeast infection. As a result, she has no voice. Drat! The doctor is treating her sinus infection with OTC drugs. Love, M
Barbara wrote: It is OK. I have contacted all of the directors for the entire program with this issue. I got a response from Lisa Heaton today, and she is going to call me later on. I feel bad for AnnMarie. I know how bad she must feel. I got a yeast infection from the antibiotic for the strep. I quite taking it because the infection was so bad. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I took it long enough. I feel fine. But, I know how she feels.
I do not know why I feel so strongly about this. David told me I needed to take a major chill pill and see what happens. But, I really believe that this is part of the reason why she wants to leave. Why bother if she isn’t going to get what she really needs?? So I do have this sense of urgency.
Love ya, B
Myrna wrote: Barbara, I love you. The women in this program are all in Bree's financial status. That is one of the reasons the program was set up. It was set up for middle-class (and poorer) women with children. It is not for rich people. She should have all the same time as most of the women. Jared Eldridge, the county attorney, said that if she needed more time after the 90-day program, then she would get it. We will work it out but all of the women are being treated the same. All of them are having the same rigorous program which is designed to make them think of their bodies and their children in a more healthy light. That is the way it is set up. She will be taught not to think of just herself and what she thinks she needs and wants but what others need and want, as well. We cannot enable her to fail. She needs us all to be strong! She needs us to love her and give her the space to succeed. She will still need us. She will still love us but in a healthy way.
My other e-mail is not sending today. It is receiving but not sending. I decided to try this one.
Love, Myrna
