Myrna/Barbara

Barbara, could you send me a few things the kids are doing? We are trying to get a family newsletter together and need some things. David is the only one who doesn't have his stuff in. I am nagging but he is not doing. I know that he is incredibly busy right now and he may not even have read the emails. All we need is a couple of paragraphs. If you want to participate, put in some stuff about you and we will send you a copy. If not, I understand. Why would you want a bunch of stuff from my kids. But if you would. . .Myrna

Friday, 24 Jun 2005 13:12:57  
Myrna, I am so sorry, I have not checked my mail for a while. I have been so busy that I don't seem to have time to do anything. I told Leonard the other night that I am a "bad weather" friend. If I had read the mail earlier I would have let you know that I didn't have anything anyway. Everything seems pretty mundane or just flat uninteresting with my life. No one seems to want anything to do with me, except for free babysitting, or if I'm paying for camping trips, then they are right there.
By the way, I feel that since I am watching the kids three nights a week, have them overnight on Friday night and watch them all day Saturday, so that the parents can both work, those working parents should pay me. I have been doing it forever anyway, for nothing, and I would take the kids without any compensation permanently if I could. 
This last year has been a rough one. I feel better but. . .
Let me know what you think about the "paying me" thing. Bree told me that David thought it was incredibly unnatural, that Grandmothers in his culture just do that (babysit grandchildren) for nothing. All of them.
Write me, I will get better about reading my email.
Love Barbara
6/27/05
Barbara, I don't know what to tell you. My curcumstances are different from yours. I do not work full time, as you do.  
I do not charge for babysitting my grandchildren. I consider having them in my life payment in full. They are my treasure: the gift I received to compensate me for growing old. I know grandmothers who do charge a babysitting fee (mostly to pay for groceries used by the kids and for other supplies also used by the kids) and I also know grandmothers who do not charge. I guess it is up to the family.  
AnnMarie and I go through this every fall. She wants to pay and I refuse to let her. From time to time she does something nice for us, like taking Leonard and I out to dinner or taking us somewhere with the family. I tell her that I enjoy having kids around, they keep me young. 
I don't think your own kids ever give you the respect that you think you have earned. I think that is something that your grandchildren give you. I had kids because I enjoy the wonderful joy of being a mother of young children. I enjoyed being a mother of old children. I just liked and like being a mother. I didn't, and don't, expect much back. My children who are now getting older, some turning 40 and 42, are now are beginning, from outward appearances, to honor me and respect me. Mostly my kids are busy with their own lives and have little time for anyone else. What little time they do have they spend with their own families. I think that is the way it is supposed to be. I may think differently when I am a senile 90, if I live so long, but I now think that they should concentrate on their own families. 
I think about my dad and I guess I treat him the same way. He has called and left me two messages, one on Saturday and one on Sunday. Neither time was I home. I will call him today and talk for awhile but he doesn't know that I am waiting until I know his "coffee buddies" have gone home. (He and a group of old guy friends go for a walk every morning and then stop by his house for coffee and a chat.) He is 86 and if I don't start visiting him more it will be too late and I will have another regret to add to the list I keep in my head.  
Sorry that I have been no help to you with your problem. I just don't know what to tell you. I do know that the problem with some of my kids is caused by me because I have spoiled them. But then, if I were to do it all again, I would probably still spoil them. I always considered my kids my blessings. (Of course, there were, and are, times. . .) The problem with children is that by the time you have figured out what you are doing wrong, they have grown up.
My grandmother used to tell me to do better than she had. That way, she said, each generation would be better than the last. I am counting on my kids being better than me and my grandkids being perfect. 
I also know that the whole time Erin was here it was "my grandma" this and "my grandma" that. I was almost jealous of the great time you have together. She told me that when she was with you next time she was going to ask you to "make panacakes and eggs." Donovin also loves you dearly. You must be doing something right to earn that love and respect.