It is time to talk!

Leonard's oldest sister, Eva, who is 80, just had a stroke. She came through it OK, a little slurring of the speech, but she will likely not live to be 100. Her doctor has told her to prepare for the next one which will probably be fatal. Leonard's brother's wife has Alzheimer's. Garth, my cousin on my mother's side, is fighting bone cancer. Toni, a second cousin, also on my mother's side of the family, is dying with breast cancer. I suppose I am just realizing that I was not born to live, in this state, for eternity. I will need to die and resurrect first. Then our cousin, Diane's (Bob's daughter) husband has cancer and has been fighting it for some time. I just feel mortal. When you feel mortal, it is the best time to talk, right?


10 considerations for decision-making

Published: Sunday, March 21, 2010 4:37 p.m. MDT1. 

Recognize that decisions about personal belongings are often more challenging than decisions about titled property. Assuming such decisions are unimportant or trivial can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
2. Recognize that inheritance decisions can have powerful consequences — emotional as well as economic. Decisions about personal property involve dealing with emotional and potential financial value connected to objects accumulated over a lifetime and across generations of family members.
3. When decisions are made prior to death, the decisions can reflect the owner's wishes, and special memories and stories may be shared. Planning ahead offers more choices and a chance for thoughtful communication.
4. Issues of power and control do not disappear in inheritance decisions. Unresolved conflicts among parents, adult children, siblings and others are often at the heart of what goes wrong with inheritance decisions. Listen for feelings and emotions, watch for blaming and determine if you can agree to disagree if conflicts arise.
5. Remember that different perceptions of what's "fair" are normal and should be expected. Those involved need to uncover the unwritten rules and assumptions about fairness that exist among family members.
6. Being fair does not always mean being equal. In fact, dividing personal property equally is sometimes impossible.
7. Individuals who have input and agree on how decisions are made are more likely to feel the outcomes of those decisions are fair.
8. Discussing what those involved want to accomplish helps reduce mistaken assumptions and misunderstood intentions, and makes choosing distribution options easier.
9. Identifying items that have special meaning can help avoid inaccurate assumptions about who should get what. Not everyone will find the same items meaningful.
10. Putting wishes in writing, typically in a separate listing mentioned in a will, reduces the dilemmas and decisions for estate executors and surviving family members.Source: Marlene S. Strum, University of Minnesota Extension Service

Methods of family distribution
When property must be distributed after a death, distribution may take place item by item, or items may be placed in groups of approximately equal monetary value and selected as a group. Here are methods that have been used by families to determine the order of selection:
 Shake dice: Family members shake dice, with the high roller receiving first choice, and so on. After the first round, the selection order is reversed. After two rounds, family members shake again to determine a new order.
Draw numbers, straws or playing cards: Decide if highest or lowest, longest or shortest goes first.
Birth order preference: Selection goes from the oldest to youngest, or vice versa.
Gender preference: Selection begins with males before females, or vice versa. Birth order may also be integrated into this method.

Generation preference: priority is given to parents, siblings, children, grandchildren or blood kin.
Potential list of cherished objects:Furniture, Plates/dishes/glassware/utensils, Handmade items (quilts, stitchery, woodwork), Antiques, Jewelry, Art pieces (pictures, vases, sculpture), Photographs, Written material (poems, diaries, letters), Electronic equipment (TV, CDs, DVDs), Musical instruments, Plants, Collections (coins, plates, guns, stamps), Tools, Documents or records (marriage certificates, awards, military discharge papers), Clothes (wedding dress, army uniform, baby dresses), Holiday decorations, Books (Bibles, history books, religious books, favorite novels), Linens (tablecloths, doilies, pillowcases), Knicknacks© 2010 Deseret News Publishing Company | All rights reserved

Cousins Explained

gg-child

g-uncle/g-aunt

first cousin once removed

second cousin

second cousin once removed

second cousin twice removed


ggg-child

gg-uncle/gg-aunt

first cousin twice removed

second cousin once removed

third cousin

third cousin once removed


gggg-child

ggg-uncle/ggg-aunt

first cousin thrice removed

second cousin twice removed

third cousin once removed

fourth cousin

The parents represent the common ancestors you have with your relative. Count down the row until you reach your generation. Now count down this column until you reach your relative's generation. This gives you your relationship to your relative. If you have only one common ancestor with your relative (perhaps this ancestor had multiple marriages), then the same chart applies but the relationships are half blood instead of full blood. 

In general, the person in the first row is the ***** of the person in the first column where ***** stands for the appropriate table entry, eg. sister, uncle, second cousin, etc. 

Example

Suppose I want to find out my relationship to the son of my grandmother's brother. Then the common ancestors that we share are my great-grandparents which are his grandparents. (I am assuming a full blood relationship). Therefore, reading from the chart we find that 

parents

child

g-child

ME

child

brother/sister

nephew/niece

g-nephew/g-niece

RELATIVE

uncle/aunt

first cousin

FIRST COUSIN ONCE REMOVED

I am the first cousin once removed of this relative! 

It's Time to Talk. . .

From: Toni Jackson

Date: Sun, 21 Mar 2010 19:55:38 -0400
 Re: Pics

Myrna: Oh, I would love a copy of that CD. I will pay for any cost involved. It sounds like you are doing great work in preserving memories and history. I have been working on a similar project. I will make you a copy. If some of the photos are the same, that is fine. I have found out that some photos, even though they started out as identical copies, end up with little flaws here and there because of age. What a great thing that your mom wrote notes about the photos.

My dad had an album of old photos but I am not certain who all the folks are and now that he has gone, I will never know.

Your mom was always a special woman. She and your dad even came to Grandma Smith's funeral. She is buried in Springville and we went to Aunt Pearle's (Smith), Vivian's sister-in-law, so my great-aunt, for dinner and she and your dad gathered with us there. She, of
course, knew all the Smiths from the years of past associations.
Toni: I just tried to email 2 more pics thru my Easyshare and I think by thespeed it went thru' that they were not actually sent once again. I wasjust going to show you what I'm doing with the pics and when I'm finished I will put them all on a CD. My original plan was to mail you a CD and I think that's probably what I'll have to do if the Kodak thing isn't going to work. Usually it fixes itself somehow when I reboot tthe computer but this  time that has not worked apparently. 

I Could put the pics on FB but there would be over 100 of them in this one album I believe. Mom had put all these pics in a 'new' album... one of the cheap ones with sticky pages and a plastic overlay (which will ruin the prints) and they are all falling out. So I took photos of each page so that I would have Mom's notes that are written on the album. Then I  am cropping out each photo & adding text with whatever info I have. I am also keeping copies of each print with no text on them as well so they can be enlarged & printed. So there may be 175-200 pics by the time I'm done with just this one album. Kind of a lot for FB, plus I suspect you may have a lot of these pics yourself already. I'll get them to you one way or the other, may add a couple to FB today &  just keep working on the rest.

More later, have a good weekend! Love, Toni 

OK, good. Maybe between the two of us we can fill in some blanks. I'm also trying to learn how to sell on eBay ( I KNOW how to buy, LOL), plus get ready for a yard sale, go through many boxes of photos, finish household projects, etc. so not sure when I will finish the CD but will let you know.

Myrna: I hope you live for many, many years to come. Take a few minutes to breathe somewhere in that schedule of yours. Selling on eBay, hmm. What are you selling? Maybe I want to be your customer. Just a quick funny story--I ordered a second-hand book on eBay not realizing that I was buying from a Pitts cousin in Carbon County. I didn't know the seller name she used. She, however, knew who I was from the start so, along with the book, I got a letter from her. LOL

>

Toni--Pacific Daylight Time

Sent: 3/3/2010 12:31:57 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time

Hi Myrna,

 I came across an old Xmas letter from you that says (your grand daughter?) Siovhan was working as a TV news producer in Eugene. We watch Eugene news as that's where the TV stations are, an hour away. Is she still there? What station? And HOW to do pronounce that name??? Just curious.....

Hugs, Toni


 Date: Wed, 17 Mar 2010 15:49:21 -0400

 This is the one I sent a few weeks ago.


 Myrna writes:

Add a little to this, please, Melanie and respond to both of us.

Melanie writes: "Sha (short a) von" is the way the way the name is said. Yes, she is still there and is still working.

Melanie, which station is it?

In a message Melanie writes:

Siovhan works as the noon, five and six o' clock news producer for KEZI. She puts the news on their web page as well. She gets to tell the anchors and the reporters what news to read, she tells the reporters what stories to cover and then works with the tape editor to make sure that the content fits in the time slots. She loves doing this kind of work, but gets tired of all the bad news and the sensationalism that follows bad news. She has been in Eugene for almost two years and says it is starting to feel like home for her. She loves to go to the coast. She has been to the Sea Lion caves and that area several times, although she now works on Saturdays, it makes it a bit harder to do sight seeing.

Melanie Bolton


Toni writes:

Hi Melanie and Myrna,

 I was going to explain what relation I am, but I'm not sure I know. LOL I guess Myrna and I are 2nd cousins (?). (Note from Myrna: Toni is my second cousin. Her mother, Betty, and my mother, Elaine and her sister Renee were cousins. Jessie, her grandmother, and Vivian, my grandmother, were sisters. Because of our grandmothers, we had some fun times as kids.) Anyway, I just thought I'd share a 'small world' note with you. My brother Don P. Fexer, who lives in Eugene, is married to Kimberly (Days) Fexer & her Mom, Marilyn Days was the receptionist at KEZI for MANY years! I guess she died before Siovhan started there (she was only our age Myrna) but I bet she works with a bunch of people who knew & loved Marilyn. She was a VERY likeable and popular, but outrageous, platinum blond who knew everyone & had a million friends, although maybe was not the type of gal you'd be drawn to..... I don't think she ever quit smoking, she was loud & somewhat 'rough around the edges' if you get my drift, but was a lot of fun. Her daughter Kim (my sister-in-law) is nothing like that... quite reserved and lovely.

One of MY friends, Betsy Yraguen, lives here in Roseburg but works for KEZI selling advertising here in town. Our local affiliate (also in Eugene) is KVAL & so we watch that more often.

Anyway, too bad she didn't overlap with my folks in Eugene (they died in 2003) cause I'm sure Mom would have been thrilled to meet her!

 I can relate to her just now feeling like Eugene is home. I only lived there 3 years and was JUST starting to make some good friends when I met Craig & decided I better move to Roseburg and keep him for myself before some OTHER gal snapped him up! I'm sure it was the right decision, but I miss the "city"..... (hey, Eugene is still very small compared to L.A. where I lived most of my life, but Roseburg is even SMALLER).

My step-son (Craig's son Niles who just turned 21) has a girlfriend from Eugene who is Mormon, Jennifer (oops, can't think of her last name right now), & they are both at college in Phoenix AZ now. Her parents also have a chocolate shop I think... maybe she'd know them... probably not, I suppose. I don't remember how many Wards are in Eugene...... more than one though.

OK, enough rambling. If Siovhan is interested in river rafting on the North Umpqua (in our back yard) or going to Wildlife Safari (the place with the animals in my FB photo album) it's about 10 miles south of here (Eugene is 65 mi. north of here). Or visiting the Hair Wreath while it's still here (I'm going to just keep it until my sister comes to visit next time) you are welcome to give her my email address and/or phone number 541-672-4313 and I am going to forward her info to my brother. He & Kim have a GORGEOUS home in the south hills of Eugene and they are good Christians, but not Mormon. Their only child, daughter Hayley is in fashion design school in Portland. I have 2 guest rooms too.... for any of you.

OK, this time, I'll shut up, thanks for the info. Catch ya later, hugs, Toni (Fexer, Cole) Jackson.


Melanie writes:

My youngest daughter and I went out to see Siovhan last year. I know where Roseburg is. Mikaela, my youngest, and I went to see the Wildlife Safari, after hearing how fun it was from my husband and Siovhan. (We were actually chased in our rental car by a buffalo...fun, I know.) Anyway, my mom has included Siovhan in the email, so she will be able to respond to you herself about the other questions. I don't know too many people from her station, I know stories and I hear names, that's about it. I do watch her news on the internet, so that I can stay informed of what life is like for the Eugene-ites.

Thanks.
Melanie

Myrna writes:

David (Childs), you would be 2nd cousins with Toni as well. You live in that area of the world and so maybe you would have access, or maybe not, to the channel Siovhan works for.

Toni writes:

Who is David?  I should probably know... but don't... & where does he live? I wish I had time sometime to make a family tree, with photos!  I remember making one when I was in Primary or something but it only included back to my grandparents.  It would make a cool reference guide to the family & who's who because I really don't have it clear in my brain... I know it's all written down somewhere but I don't take time to find it & read all the handwritten entries.  It has been informative just 'listening' to you... thanks! T.

                   

Ericksen Heritage Hair Wreath

 

Hi Cuz, here is a reminder of what the wreath looks like. My Mom has a hand written note on the back asking me to keep it in the family, so she would be happy to have you keep it.  I had forgotten about that request & was probably going to just try to sell it in a yard sale or give it to the local museum.... so I'm glad I thought of you before I did that!.... it was close!

 

I'll figure out how to package it..... I'm thinking of putting it in one of those sort of flat plastic storage tubs... the kind that fit under the bed.  If I use the box upside down, putting the shadow box on the lid then using the 'box' as the lid, it fits perfectly without the wreath itself hanging upsede down.  Then I'll put the plastic box inside a cardboard box with lots of stuffing inside. I don't know exactly when I'll get that done, but when I do I'll take it to UPS for shipping.

 

So.... give me the best address for receiving a UPS shipment & I'll try to work on it later this week. I would appreciate you reimbursing me for the shipping charge & I'll let you know what that comes to when I send it.  

Let me see what I come up with on the packaging, & I want to double check if I have anything else.... altho' I'm afraid I already got rid of some things..  I am going to keep the metal patio chair & pass it on to one of my kids.... I've had it since before they were born & I'm sure one of them can use it on their own patios.

 

How far are you from Zion?  I've never been there but my kids and my "ex-family" are having a Cole family reunion there in August.  I tried to get an invitation myself as I've always wanted to see it.... born in SLC & have hardly seen anything of Utah, not Bryce either.  Anyway, not sure why I'm not invited since we all get along great... including my ex and his wife (my wife-in-law, as we call each other... she & I email all the time)... anyway, guess I won't be there.... maybe another time.

 

Have a good week, I'll be in touch later.  Hugs, Toni

Hi Myrna,

    First, I've tried to email you some pics today & for some reason my email is not working for pics right now.  I'll try again later.

    Second..... you are going to be mad at me, or at least disappointed, and I'm sorry, but I guess I cannot send you the hair wreath. I have to give it to my sister Leslie.

    Yesterday I finally had the wreath all boxed up to send to you and I was going to include a photo album of my Mom's that has a lot of pics of her side of the family.  I'm sure you have some of them because I discovered that it includes a copy of that pic you sent me recently, both pics actually... of the stream in the canyon and also the one of the group on the front porch.  Anyway, I made copies of the pics to put on CD's for my kids & was going to send you the actual album but thought I better ask my group first to be sure someone didn't want the album, so I sent an email to my 3 kids, plus my brother & sister.  I just mentioned casually that I was going to put it in with the wreath that I was giving to you.....

    I then got a panic phone call from my sister (she lives in Bozeman) .  She was crying and saying please please please don't give away that wreath!!  I thought for sure that she had already turned it down, but she said I never asked her & that she has always wanted it,  she used to take it out of the closet (before the frame was repaired, she said) and study it when she was a kid.  When our parents died, 3 mo. apart, in 2003, Leslie was in her senior year of nursing school & lived in a school dorm in Missoula & she didn't take any of our folks 'stuff' because she didn't have anywhere to put it.  Her young (48) husband was also diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor through out his sinuses at the same time.  (They had to remove and replace his face to clean out all the cancer, he has been cancer-free for 6 years now, went back to college and is a PA physician's assistant now). 

    Anyway, now that she is settled back in Bozeman after living in Detroit for 3 years, Leslie wants any and all of Mom's things that I still have.  Even what I call "the Mormon stuff".... books, etc. And she was SO UPSET that I was going to give away the hair wreath, so I just can't do it to her.  Also her oldest daughter Erin wants it, plus Erin has 2 daughters herself.... so it would stay in the family and I'm sure our Mom would want Leslie to have it. But I'm sorry to get your hopes up for nothing!

I will put the photos on a CD & send that to you and if they are different from ones that you have, I'd love to have a copy of yours as well.

    BTW, Leslie's youngest daughter (she has 3 girls & 2 boys) is named Elaine.... mostly at our Mom's suggestion.

    I'm really sorry to disappoint you Myrna, but I hope you can understand.  BTW, I sent you an email a month or so ago that you never answered about (your grandaughter?) who was living in Eugene at one time??  I see if I still have it & re send... maybe went to your spam folder.

Take care..... sorry, sorry sorry... hugs, Toni

From Dave Re: ;)

Myrna: During World War II, the captured Allied agents of Stalag 15 were attempting yet another daring prison break. On this particular night, Major O'Roarke and Lieutenant Flanagan were chosen to try to cut their way through the bars of the east gate. They were hard at work when the siren sounded, and the floodlights caught them in the act. As the German officer led them away, O'Roarke said, "We were so careful. How did you ever catch us?" The German replied, "It's very simple. Somehow, I can always tell .... when Irish spies are filing."     


Dave Childs: Groan... (and you actually signed your name to this? - ok, I did laugh, a little...  :) 

Greetings from the great north west

M/L:
Greetings from the great north west, when you coming to visit with us?

Abandoned at Wal-Mart was sent to me by a coworker she sent me this link to it location: http://www.videosift.com/video/Abandoned-at-Walmart

Konnie is again in Provo with HeatherJo whose husband is going to Buffalo to apply for and be interviewed for Dental school at the University of Buffalo. If he is accepted they will move there after she delivers their (3) child which is to be a boy like the first two. He graduates at the end of April.

It is 56 degrees out side and sunny, but we expect rain later today.

Love you
Al Pitts

What me work, certainly not at work!

From: Myrna TRAUNTVEIN
I just showed this to Leonard. He is still chuckling. Where did you find it?

Sanpete Land

Alan R. Pitts is the son of Doyle Pitts. Doyle was my Grandfather Tom's baby brother. Al and I were one grade apart in school, he was one grade ahead. He always called me "cous" and was my friend. When LHT and I married and moved to Provo, he and Connie lived in the same apartment complex. We had Shawn at the time and they did not have kids. We used to get together and watch television at their house one or two evenings a month. We provided the popcorn. Then then moved and, a short time later, we moved. When they had a son, Venice Powell Breinholt, a mutual friend of Connie's and mine from Carbon High and Carbon College, babysat him. She had to stop and I took over. At that time we were living in a subdivision near Utah Lake. I watched him for awhile. I think that was about the time that Todd was born.

At any rate, he has been a great cousin. He came to Dad Howard's funeral, even though he had to take time off work to do it, and he called Garth and I when Garth was dying. He is a good man and I would love to have him near. At any rate, he is interested in building a home in Sanpete when he retires from Boeing.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010 9:57 AM

Konnie and I are looking for a home or land to build on! I am sending this to you and asking if you are aware of some sites and their prices? This seems very high I dan purchase near here or near Spokane for 15K per acre. Your input is requested time permitting.

al

To Al from Myrna:

Would you be interested in living next to my daughter and her husband in Sanpete County between Mt. Pleasant and Fairview? They have five acres for sale. Jim Jones, our son-in-law, is a beekeeper. He has a very nice home on the lot next. Here is their e-mail address: bzzzman1@netzero.com.

Myrna, I have not heard back from your daughter regarding land she has for sale. Again the email address you provided will not work for me would you ask her to send the acreage information to me directly? 

Thank you

al 

Myrna: I have done so. She is really busy right now and I think that is the problem. Her husband is in California getting the bees back from the almond groves. They have about 2,500 hives, so it is no easy task. That means that Julie is mom and dad to her little girls and it is Mary's birthday tomorrow. Mary rides the bus to Kindergarten but there is still a lot for Julie to do. I will tell her to send the acreage to you. However, she does not think that you will want it. She thinks that it is too countrified for anyone but those who love the country. There are horses across the street from the property. Look at it on google earth.

Her email is: bzzzman1@netzero.com

Myrna, I just received photo's and additional documents.

Thanks

al

Al Pitts 

Manufacturing Engineering 

Ph. (206) 544-3098 

alan.r.pitts@boeing.com 

M/S 4F-14

Connie, Son, Florence, Granddaughter, Alan, Grandson

Denise Allen

I wanted to let you know that we went to the temple Friday night, to the 5:30 session, and Tim was play ing the part of Heavenly Father, And it was just so neat to see him there, And he did such a good part, It was like looking at Heavenly Father, He was just so convencing. I had cold chills just listening to him.  I didn't see any one else there, I did see Kathy but didn't get a chance to talk to her.   We got alot of snow last night, Can't wait until spring if it every comes, I hope that you guys are all  good.   We are really good, Varian is busy in his new calling, but that's what happens, We are getting a new Stake Presdency today.    well you guys take care. love you Denise

Flowers

Myrna: Melanie, thanks for the flowers you sent for Valentine's Day. The day I was going to throw them away, I noticed they were getting roots and new green leaves. I cut the dead tops off and planted them and they are growing! So now I have rose bushes. Maybe the rest of you could get Melanie to send you roses (bushes) for some holiday or the other. 


Melanie: Wow! That is really amazing. Good for you. I definitely got more than I paid for then, didn't I? Could I count that as your Easter present as well? (Just kidding.)
Love you!

Kirsten: We're not THAT cool, mom!!!!  I think I would have to send them to her just for having to put up with me for so long! :)


BTW, GET TO BED!!!  Don't you know you have to be up early for the temple in the morning?! ;)


Myrna: That could count as my Easter and Mother's Day. I think all but two are flourishing. Two of them look a bit puny but Jim says I must have been an angel gardener and they will probably respond as well. Actually, I told him that before birth I was not a gardener at all, I worked in the nursery. I think it is the stuff they send with the roses to help them bloom longer. I followed the directions--cut some off the bottom, put the package of long-bloom in the water and then, three days later, changed the water and put the long-bloom in the water again.


Melanie: You kind of left yourself open for some teasing on this one, by telling Jim that you were in the nursery in the premortal world. Nursery = plants or Nursery = small children, who are like small plants and bloom with lots of care?