10 considerations for decision-making
Published: Sunday, March 21, 2010 4:37 p.m. MDT1.
Recognize that decisions about personal belongings are often more challenging than decisions about titled property. Assuming such decisions are unimportant or trivial can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
2. Recognize that inheritance decisions can have powerful consequences — emotional as well as economic. Decisions about personal property involve dealing with emotional and potential financial value connected to objects accumulated over a lifetime and across generations of family members.
3. When decisions are made prior to death, the decisions can reflect the owner's wishes, and special memories and stories may be shared. Planning ahead offers more choices and a chance for thoughtful communication.
4. Issues of power and control do not disappear in inheritance decisions. Unresolved conflicts among parents, adult children, siblings and others are often at the heart of what goes wrong with inheritance decisions. Listen for feelings and emotions, watch for blaming and determine if you can agree to disagree if conflicts arise.
5. Remember that different perceptions of what's "fair" are normal and should be expected. Those involved need to uncover the unwritten rules and assumptions about fairness that exist among family members.
6. Being fair does not always mean being equal. In fact, dividing personal property equally is sometimes impossible.
7. Individuals who have input and agree on how decisions are made are more likely to feel the outcomes of those decisions are fair.
8. Discussing what those involved want to accomplish helps reduce mistaken assumptions and misunderstood intentions, and makes choosing distribution options easier.
9. Identifying items that have special meaning can help avoid inaccurate assumptions about who should get what. Not everyone will find the same items meaningful.
10. Putting wishes in writing, typically in a separate listing mentioned in a will, reduces the dilemmas and decisions for estate executors and surviving family members.Source: Marlene S. Strum, University of Minnesota Extension Service
Methods of family distribution
When property must be distributed after a death, distribution may take place item by item, or items may be placed in groups of approximately equal monetary value and selected as a group. Here are methods that have been used by families to determine the order of selection:
Shake dice: Family members shake dice, with the high roller receiving first choice, and so on. After the first round, the selection order is reversed. After two rounds, family members shake again to determine a new order.
Draw numbers, straws or playing cards: Decide if highest or lowest, longest or shortest goes first.
Birth order preference: Selection goes from the oldest to youngest, or vice versa.
Gender preference: Selection begins with males before females, or vice versa. Birth order may also be integrated into this method.
2. Recognize that inheritance decisions can have powerful consequences — emotional as well as economic. Decisions about personal property involve dealing with emotional and potential financial value connected to objects accumulated over a lifetime and across generations of family members.
3. When decisions are made prior to death, the decisions can reflect the owner's wishes, and special memories and stories may be shared. Planning ahead offers more choices and a chance for thoughtful communication.
4. Issues of power and control do not disappear in inheritance decisions. Unresolved conflicts among parents, adult children, siblings and others are often at the heart of what goes wrong with inheritance decisions. Listen for feelings and emotions, watch for blaming and determine if you can agree to disagree if conflicts arise.
5. Remember that different perceptions of what's "fair" are normal and should be expected. Those involved need to uncover the unwritten rules and assumptions about fairness that exist among family members.
6. Being fair does not always mean being equal. In fact, dividing personal property equally is sometimes impossible.
7. Individuals who have input and agree on how decisions are made are more likely to feel the outcomes of those decisions are fair.
8. Discussing what those involved want to accomplish helps reduce mistaken assumptions and misunderstood intentions, and makes choosing distribution options easier.
9. Identifying items that have special meaning can help avoid inaccurate assumptions about who should get what. Not everyone will find the same items meaningful.
10. Putting wishes in writing, typically in a separate listing mentioned in a will, reduces the dilemmas and decisions for estate executors and surviving family members.Source: Marlene S. Strum, University of Minnesota Extension Service
Methods of family distribution
When property must be distributed after a death, distribution may take place item by item, or items may be placed in groups of approximately equal monetary value and selected as a group. Here are methods that have been used by families to determine the order of selection:
Shake dice: Family members shake dice, with the high roller receiving first choice, and so on. After the first round, the selection order is reversed. After two rounds, family members shake again to determine a new order.
Draw numbers, straws or playing cards: Decide if highest or lowest, longest or shortest goes first.
Birth order preference: Selection goes from the oldest to youngest, or vice versa.
Gender preference: Selection begins with males before females, or vice versa. Birth order may also be integrated into this method.
Generation preference: priority is given to parents, siblings, children, grandchildren or blood kin.
Potential list of cherished objects:Furniture, Plates/dishes/glassware/utensils, Handmade items (quilts, stitchery, woodwork), Antiques, Jewelry, Art pieces (pictures, vases, sculpture), Photographs, Written material (poems, diaries, letters), Electronic equipment (TV, CDs, DVDs), Musical instruments, Plants, Collections (coins, plates, guns, stamps), Tools, Documents or records (marriage certificates, awards, military discharge papers), Clothes (wedding dress, army uniform, baby dresses), Holiday decorations, Books (Bibles, history books, religious books, favorite novels), Linens (tablecloths, doilies, pillowcases), Knicknacks© 2010 Deseret News Publishing Company | All rights reserved
Potential list of cherished objects:Furniture, Plates/dishes/glassware/utensils, Handmade items (quilts, stitchery, woodwork), Antiques, Jewelry, Art pieces (pictures, vases, sculpture), Photographs, Written material (poems, diaries, letters), Electronic equipment (TV, CDs, DVDs), Musical instruments, Plants, Collections (coins, plates, guns, stamps), Tools, Documents or records (marriage certificates, awards, military discharge papers), Clothes (wedding dress, army uniform, baby dresses), Holiday decorations, Books (Bibles, history books, religious books, favorite novels), Linens (tablecloths, doilies, pillowcases), Knicknacks© 2010 Deseret News Publishing Company | All rights reserved
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