Friday, November 11, 2005
Happy Thanksgiving from Auntie Eva Dixon
HAPPY THANKSGIVING from me to you.
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FIRST TIME TURKEY COOKER.
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FIRST TIME TURKEY COOKER.
One year at Thanksgiving my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"
At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.
It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!
Author unidentified!
Author unidentified!
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The turkey shot out of the oven and rocketed into the air,
it knocked every plate off the table and partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner and burst with a deafening boom,
then splattered all over the kitchen, completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows, it totally coated the floor,
there was turkey attached to the ceiling, where there'd never been turkey before.
It blanketed every appliance, it smeared every saucer and bowl,
there wasn't a way I could stop it, that turkey was out of control.
I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure, and thought with chagrin as I mopped,
that I'd never again stuff a turkey with popcorn that hadn't been popped.
it knocked every plate off the table and partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner and burst with a deafening boom,
then splattered all over the kitchen, completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows, it totally coated the floor,
there was turkey attached to the ceiling, where there'd never been turkey before.
It blanketed every appliance, it smeared every saucer and bowl,
there wasn't a way I could stop it, that turkey was out of control.
I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure, and thought with chagrin as I mopped,
that I'd never again stuff a turkey with popcorn that hadn't been popped.
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Q: What happened to the turkey that got in a fight?
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Q: Why wouldn't the turkey eat any dessert?
A: He was stuffed!
Q: Why was the turkey made the drummer?
A: Because he had the drumsticks!
Q: When did the Pilgrims first say, "God Bless America"?
A: The first time they heard America sneeze.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Gladys.
Gladys who?
Gladys Thanksgiving!!!
May your stuffing be tasty;
May your turkey be plump,
May your taters 'n gravy have nary a lump,
May your yams be delicious,
May your pies take the prize,
May your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off of your thighs.
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Q: Why wouldn't the turkey eat any dessert?
A: He was stuffed!
Q: Why was the turkey made the drummer?
A: Because he had the drumsticks!
Q: When did the Pilgrims first say, "God Bless America"?
A: The first time they heard America sneeze.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Gladys.
Gladys who?
Gladys Thanksgiving!!!
May your stuffing be tasty;
May your turkey be plump,
May your taters 'n gravy have nary a lump,
May your yams be delicious,
May your pies take the prize,
May your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off of your thighs.
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