Now I Get to Worry!

I just got the results of my mammography back printed on pretty pink paper and enclosed in a pretty pink envelope. I was told that I need to get a further mammography and an ultrasound of the left breast. So I called the hospital in Nephi. The soonest they can squeeze me in is on the 14th at 10 a.m. The scare that the letter puts into you to go right away must only mean that you stay scared for two weeks.

"This may require additional authorization from your insurance company." And just what does that mean? "It is your responsibility to inform any new health care provider of the date and location of this examination."

This is exactly what I went through once before. Julie suggested that I bypass my hospital here and go up to the Woman's Center at Utah Valley Hospital where they do on-site evaluations after the ultrasound and mammography are finished and then talk to you right away so that you do not have to wait on pins and needles for one more week, which is what I would have to do here.

I think I will call them in the a.m. and find out what I could do. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I already felt too mortal and that life was too short. So here I get to worry.

Because of Charlotte and my dad's oldest sister, who died with breast cancer, I am considered at "increased risk" over the general populace.

To Myrna from Melanie (A Reply to Help)

So...remember when I was a teenager and we would occasionally find ourselves watching television together? You would cry when certain commercials came on. Every time we watched the Kleenex commercial, you cried...I mean EVERY time. I said something to you one time and you got up, angry with me because I told you that you had seen the commercial about fifty times, and you didn't need to cry over it anymore. I think I said something like, "Oh, my, gosh...get over it all ready." You cried more. Before you stormed off you said something along the lines of, "I can't wait until you have children, and the doctors hook your tear ducts up." I think you prayed for that...because it happened. :)

What you are telling me sounds like the Mom I remember from my youth. Not someone who is weak, just someone who is connected. I would rather you cry, than not feel connected. As for the worry part...I think Grandma Smith told you that you were a ninety year old woman who worried too much, and you were a young mother at the time. Old dogs continue to perform their old tricks? You can dress a monkey in pearls and a skirt and it's still a monkey? Even when you took Zoloft you worried....

As to the Elderly. We are supposed to feel for them. President Monson still tears up when he talks of his visits with his 85 widows. He talks tenderly of them and about them. We don't need to worry for them though. I believe the Lord has them here to teach us lessons, like he does of the mentally handicapped. We know they are precious in the sight of God. They are being reserved here on earth to earn their bodies. Maybe their spirits need more time for refinement...we will know all things soon enough. For now, enjoy them. 

One time when I was holding Dorothy H.'s hand, I was talking with her and telling her about my busy morning. She hasn't been able to talk for ten years. While I was explaining to her why I not as happy as usually, she looked in to my eyes, gave my hand the biggest squeeze that she had been able to ever give, and smiled. I looked in to her beautiful blue eyes, and the spirit bore testimony to me that God knew her. I then had the impression that I was supposed to tell her that. I said, "Dorothy, I know God loves you. He is mindful of you and He hasn't forgotten you." She started to cry. I started to cry. Whenever I walked in the room after that, she would find me and hold my hand. I still cry when I think of that moment. Whenever I was with those people, I treasured my time. I would be so sad when I would go in one day, and find out that one of my best friends had died. At first it affected me greatly, then I realized how happy they were to be rid of that infirm body and to once again be reunited with spouses and children who had passed on before. 

In the research that I have done, the music that we have loved for years and sung for years: hymns, Primary songs, patriotic songs, etc. are keys to unlocking the mind. There were many patients that I worked with that were content to sit and observe, not being able to speak or communicate in any way, but as soon as I started singing songs from the 40s or 50s, hymns or play songs, there would be a spark in their eyes, and they would start moving their hands and singing along. When I was singing to a woman named Rita, she started singing with me. Her daughter, who visited multiple times a week, walked in, stopped and listened to us (I couldn't see her, she was behind me). Rita looked up to her and sang her a song. The daughter commenced to sob. It was the first time in years that she had heard anything other than babbles coming from her mom. The daughter continues to sing to her mom daily as part of their morning routine, and they share many smiles and hugs afterward. 

I have been studying about hope. There is so little of it in our world anymore...and because their is so little, people despair. 

Elder Uchtdorf spoke in the April 2013 General Conference about Hope. 

"There may be some among you who feel darkness encroaching upon you. You may feel burdened by worry, fear, or doubt. To you and to all of us, I repeat a wonderful and certain truth: God’s light is real. It is available to all! It gives life to all things. It has the power to soften the sting of the deepest wound. It can be a healing balm for the loneliness and sickness of our souls. In the furrows of despair, it can plant the seeds of a brighter hope. It can enlighten the deepest valleys of sorrow. It can illuminate the path before us and lead us through the darkest night into the promise of a new dawn. "This is 'the Spirit of Jesus Christ,' which gives 'light to every man that cometh into the world.' Nevertheless, spiritual light rarely comes to those who merely sit in darkness waiting for someone to flip a switch. It takes an act of faith to open our eyes to the Light of Christ. Spiritual light cannot be discerned by carnal eyes. Jesus Christ Himself taught, 'I am the light which shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not.' For 'the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.'

"...The very moment you begin to seek your Heavenly Father, in that moment, the hope of His light will begin to awaken, enliven, and ennoble your soul. The darkness may not dissipate all at once, but as surely as night always gives way to dawn, the light will come....Lift up your soul in prayer and explain to your Heavenly Father what you are feeling. Acknowledge your shortcomings. Pour out your heart and express your gratitude. Let Him know of the trials you are facing. Plead with Him in Christ’s name for strength and support. Ask that your ears may be opened, that you may hear His voice. Ask that your eyes may be opened, that you may see His light" ("The Hope of God's Light," Ensign, May 2013, 75). 

"Hope is a thing with feathers, that perches in the heart." ~ Emily Dickinson

Allow yourself to feel hope. Mom...worry about the things you can change. AnnMarie will tell you that. I know she worries, but she knows that she is one person who can only do so much, and where she falls short, she asks for God's help. Wherever you don't feel like you have hope, it is the adversary working on you. Where faith and hope are, fear and doubt can not reside. Instead of gardening a weed bed of fear and doubt, plant flowers of hope and faith. Hope on. 

Love you much!

Mel

Myrna wrote: I'm printing this off to read over and over. You have given me the perfect answer and I do appreciate your words, your time and your love. I am so thankful that Heavenly Father sent you to bless my life. I love you! Mom

Tears

I stopped taking Zoloft last year. The only problem is that now I feel anxious lots of the time. I don't know if it is because of that or just because I have gotten old. (AnnMarie told me, when I cried when I was telling her about Gay Sperry at the assisted living center, that it is just what women my age do.) However, I don't know many of the old women I work with on a weekly basis at the temple who are like this. I seem to cry at the least provocation. I have joined the tearful at church. I have some concerns about myself.

Dr. Mark Jones, my local GP, said he did not think that those symptoms were worth taking medication because I am not really depressed. Nevertheless, Dad keeps telling me that I can just "be happy" if I choose to be. However, last night he said, that I needed to stop crying and if I took a pill it might help.

Things worry me. For example, we were supposed to watch Julie's kids just on Wednesday day so that she could go to Scout daycamp. We will also have AnnMarie's two youngest and will have David's three (he is going to a friend's wedding in ElPaso to be bestman. Bree is matron-of-honor. Julie is certain that something horrible will happen because I will not have enough control. Dad, she said, doesn't really tend kids well. So I cried.

We have our temple devotional on Sunday but have decided that it is more important to be with David's kids who don't really like to go to church here anyway. I concurred with the decision but then I cried.

Providing Sacrament Meeting at the assisted living center is, in some ways, a joy. In other ways, it makes me cry. I see the folks I have worked with for so many years, dying by inches and, many of them, losing their identity. AnnMarie said that the their spirits are still there and they are but they have no memory and I wonder how they even manage to keep breathing. Yet, a few can still sing all the words to the hymns (we help them find the pages because it makes them happy but they do not read the words).

I also know that I will die in the next few years. I just will. So will Dad. I tease that I have 30-years worth of projects ahead but I do not have that long to live. I love being alive. I like being with grandkids and watching, even from afar, as they succeed. If Dad goes first, I wonder how brave I can be. I really don't enjoy being alone. At one time, it didn't bother me to have alone time. Now I usually go find where he is.

I love working at the temple. I work with great people with strong testimonies. I get teary-eyed there, as well. We are doing the Adam and Eve part quite often because everyone knows that we will be moving to Payson Temple, and maybe they won't even need us as workers. If they do, we will not get to do those parts ever again. That makes me cry.

I wonder, also, what I have done with my life. I seem to have spent it, somehow. I am like Garth, "Have I been good enough?" Sometimes I have not been.

I cry when I am happy. I cry when I am proud of my loved ones. I cry when I am spiritual. I cry when I am sentimental. I cry when I am worried. I cry when I am angry. I cry when I am sick. I cry when I am sad. I cry.

So there you have it, I just cry a lot.

Peace

I tell everyone that I like peace.

Once though, when one of my nearly grown-up sons had been talking to me, what was being said made me quite upset. Obviously I have a temper. I have been working to control it for all these many years. I am still working on it.

When I was young, my Grandmother Smith said to me, more than once, words more or less like this: “If the feeling welling up inside you is hot, vial and angry and you feel like hitting someone--that is not the Holy Ghost. He speaks in a still, small voice, is calming and teaches us to love not hate. You know where the hateful feeling comes from and the one promoting it is evil.”

That day when I became quite angry with my son, I walked away from that child and slammed the front door. It took me three tries to get it to bang. How silly. It wasn't the door's fault that I lost it. It wasn’t my son’s fault that I lost it. It was my own. I haven't been that dumb again. Now, I just walk away and leave the poor door alone. I don't even kick rocks. Walking away from a situation that could become volatile is wisest but not the easiest.

I have been known to close the bathroom door and cry but that doesn't work very well because, sooner or later, you have to come out and then you have a splotchy face so EVERYBODY knows. A better motto is, “Leave 'em guessing--walk away smiling.” 

A smile also improves your own outlook. It is difficult to smile and be furious at the same time. 

Mother Teresa said:  “Peace begins with a smile.” 

“When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside telestial time,”  said Elder Neal A. Maxwell.

“The peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods,” he said. He suggested that it was of an eternal nature and would be in good standing for all time. That means that I need to follow those peacemaking tendencies and put away the door-slamming child. The child needs to learn to bridle the tongue and keep the pace.

I will just need to keep working and smiling. 

Words of Wisdom on Prayer As Sent by Melanie Bolton

A while ago Todd and I were discussing youth and their prayers. Todd said that his experience with youth and their disaffection with the church is that they don't feel any prayers are answered. He said that they need to learn to ask and listen to the Spirit. Often our youth are asking for things that aren't reasonable. The youth also feel like their prayers need to be answered today...now...and in glorious ways. They often misunderstand the lesson being taught.

From the LHT Grandparents

We have had a wonderful two weeks. We had two seminary graduations the same evening. In fact, we had to split up, Gramps and I, so that one of us could be at each event. We went to church with AnnMarie’s family and heard a great talk by Megan. Then the young people sang. Uncle Brandon had not felt well that day, so Shawn and Kimberly came to their home and helped Gramps give him a blessing. We then went to Shawn’s for dinner (grilled steaks) and Gramps went back to Howard’s for Kyle’s graduation and I stayed with Dane for his.

We compared notes afterward. Kyle spoke and talked about faith. Dane sang with the stake seminary and they did  three songs which the women started, the men then sang and they did a medley of the three combined together. The women started off with “As Sisters in Zion,” added in the Young Women’s song about being a daughter of God, and then the Priesthood joined in with their hymn. 

I asked AnnMarie for a summary of Kyle’s talk and she responded. “Kyle defined faith as the evidence of things hoped for but not seen. Then he said the lesson from seminary that influenced him the most was the one about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  They knew that Heavenly Father would answer their prayers, even if it wasn't in the way they thought.  They had faith that Heavenly Father's will would be done.  It revolved around "but if not."  The scripture was Daniel 3:18 But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.  When the men who cast them in and were covered with hosen and coats etc. still died, the three boys should have died.  But when the king looked in the furnace he saw one like unto the son of man.  Kyle said that when we are exercising faith, we also will never be alone.  Even if our prayers aren't answered the way we wished.  Our Heavenly Father loves us and Jesus Christ sacrificed for every single one of us so that we never are alone.”

Megan spoke about the prophet Joseph Smith and she said: “Most of the revelations in the Doctrine and Covenants are answers to the questions that he asked the Lord. We can use his example as we seek our own personal revelation.”

Thursday, was graduation day for Dane. He graduated through a Utah Valley University program from a school called the Utah County Academy of Sciences (UCAS). The classes are held on UVU campus. Participants could also qualify to receive their associates degree from UVU. Dane still has a couple of classes to finish in the next short while before he will get that degree. 

Next Wednesday, Kyle will graduate from TimpView High School. He is preparing to go on a mission very soon and has most of his paperwork and interviews completed. Then I will have three grandsons in the mission field. What a blessing to our family.

I was so interested in the last news we had from you. You are receiving so many tender mercies from our Father in Heaven. It makes our hearts happy to hear about your experiences and we can see the many ways you are being blessed. We do love you!

Grammy and Gramps

To Our Two Missionary Elders

We have had a wonderful two weeks. We had two seminary graduations the same evening. In fact, we had to split up, Gramps and I, so that one of us could be at each event. We went to church with AnnMarie’s family and heard a great talk by Megan. Then the young people sang. Uncle Brandon had not felt well that day, so Shawn and Kimberly came to their home and helped Gramps give him a blessing. We then went to Shawn’s for dinner (grilled steaks) and Gramps went back to Howard’s for Kyle’s graduation and I stayed with Dane for his.

We compared notes afterward. Kyle spoke and talked about faith. Dane sang with the stake seminary and they did  three songs which the women started, the men then sang and they did a medley of the three combined together. The women started off with “As Sisters in Zion,” added in the Young Women’s song about being a daughter of God, and then the Priesthood joined in with their hymn. 

I asked AnnMarie for a summary of Kyle’s talk and she responded. “Kyle defined faith as the evidence of things hoped for but not seen. Then he said the lesson from seminary that influenced him the most was the one about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  They knew that Heavenly Father would answer their prayers, even if it wasn't in the way they thought.  They had faith that Heavenly Father's will would be done.  It revolved around "but if not."  The scripture was Daniel 3:18 But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.  When the men who cast them in and were covered with hosen and coats etc. still died, the three boys should have died.  But when the king looked in the furnace he saw one like unto the son of man.  Kyle said that when we are exercising faith, we also will never be alone.  Even if our prayers aren't answered the way we wished.  Our Heavenly Father loves us and Jesus Christ sacrificed for every single one of us so that we never are alone.”

Megan spoke about the prophet Joseph Smith and she said: “Most of the revelations in the Doctrine and Covenants are answers to the questions that he asked the Lord. We can use his example as we seek our own personal revelation.”

Thursday, was graduation day for Dane. He graduated through a Utah Valley University program from a school called the Utah County Academy of Sciences (UCAS). The classes are held on UVU campus. Participants could also qualify to receive their associates degree from UVU. Dane still has a couple of classes to finish in the next short while before he will get that degree. 

Next Wednesday, Kyle will graduate from TimpView High School. He is preparing to go on a mission very soon and has most of his paperwork and interviews completed. Then I will have three grandsons in the mission field. What a blessing to our family.

We were so interested in the last news we had from you. You are receiving so many tender mercies from our Father in Heaven. It makes our hearts happy to hear about your experiences and we can see the many ways you are being blessed. We do love you!

Grammy and Gramps

Claire Hermanson

Helen called me yesterday and told me what you did for my Dad. I can't thank you enough for putting flowers on his grave. You don't know how much that means to me. I really hate the drive down to Manti so I don't go decorate Dad's grave. I do decorate for him on Mom's grave. You two are always in my thoughts and prayers and everything you do for me is greatly appreciated. Have a great evenng and I love you both so much. Claire

Camp Invitation

AnnMarie wrote: I am up working on camp. I just texted David that I need to know tomorrow if Erin is attending Girl's Camp with us. He replied.  He did read all of the messages that I have been sending him via email, text and Facebook.  It was as I was originally told, she is not going to go with us.  I told David that I wasn't trying to pressure her at all and I am not disappointed. I just was getting conflicting messages about her going with us so I was trying to track them down.  I am not harping on him and his family and I do not want to ever do that.

Myrna wrote: You were just extending an invitation and checking to make certain that the invitation had been received. When I spoke to Bree, she sounded like Erin was wanting to go with you again. At that time she must have not talked to her yet. You are a sweetheart. I am up late working on news. It has to be done by 8 a.m. Sorry. I was the one  giving the conflicting messages. Did you tell him that? You could have. I really thought that she would like to go again. When I was visiting with her she did, however, say something about thinking it might be fun to go with her friends in Hurricane. I should mind my own business. Let's all hope that, one day, before it is too late I actually learn how to do that--MYOB.

From LHT who thinks that the writer was very clever

RECALL NOTICE:

The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.

This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality, " or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.

The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth) and the Book of Mormon (Best of Manuals) for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention!

 - GOD

P.S. You may contact the Father any time by "Knee mail."

(Because He is eternal, always on the line and is willing to listen and to help at any time. However, please remember, that sometimes He says, "No!" or "It is not good for you right now. Work a little harder.")

From Melanie: Dad, once again is correct. This is very clever. I will be saving this
to re-read again and again. I might even have to share it with my
family.

Mel